Being God And All Why Did You Stack The Deck

Drink’in With The One On High

Sept. ‘76

I needed time alone. I was glad I had left the party, and there were at least three hours of sunlight left. The fifth was still half full, and once I reached the trail, I put the puppy down, and took a long, choking, drink. I had never hiked these hills before. It was always exciting to hike in the Black Hills. You never knew what to expect. You might stumble upon old bottles, Indian artifacts, or even abandoned goldmines—all leftovers from the gold rush days in the late 19 th century. You had to be careful, though; the allure of the unexpected could get you in trouble, especially if you were already half drunk like I was. In fact, in no time at all, I became helplessly lost. Hoping to see something that would get me back on the path to the cabins, or at least to civilization, I climbed to the top of a mountain. The climb–not to mention the fear that overcomes you when lost in the woods– sobered me up. I had carried the puppy most of the way, and it seemed that I had been lost for way too long. The puppy, for sure, wasn’t up for this kind of hike.

From the top of the mountain, I could see trails below, as dark clouds were rolling in above me. I was apprehensive, but not yet ready to panic. I decided to walk down to the trail and follow it, but first I would rest. I took another drink from the vodka bottle, and looked down at the puppy that was fast asleep at my feet. I looked up at the sky and started to move slowly around the puppy. I did not want to be lost; I wanted to be back home, in my own house, away form all the tension that had arisen between C.S. and myself. I continued walking around the puppy, looking up at the clouds, and then back at the sleeping dog. The vodka started to go down easier. I felt like I was in some kind of trance, and then my head started to spin. As I stumbled, and fell to the ground, I became angry. I looked up and screamed, “Hey, big guy, what are you looking at?

Some poor lost drunk, or a joke for your amusement? Do you even care? Is voyeurism your thing? Aw come on, everybody has to get their kicks some way. I’d offer you a drink, but that’s kind of hard to do. I guess I’ll have to drink for both of us. Wow, that’s good stuff—too bad you can’t enjoy it too. Tell me; am I really worth your time? I mean, malcontents abound. I’m sure there are more interesting ones than me! Do you hear me? Admit it! You don’t need me. And, I sure the hell don’t need you. There, now we’re even!

Wait. Before you go, before we end this little taa-do, I have a question. Why so shitty a job with creation? What were you thinking? Being God and all, why did you have to stack the deck? Why so much unfairness, unhappiness? It’s first class for the few and table scraps for the many! Talk about shortsightedness! I mean, take me for instance, when you handed out brains, why so stingy? Talk about a short shift. Oh, by the way, you missed me in the “talent line” also. You must have been on coffee break. But, hey, we need all the Mr. Mediocres of the world—right! Maybe to make you laugh? Forgive me if I’m not amused, though. Down here there’s not much to laugh about; know what I mean!

You just love playing with loaded dice, don’t you. We get a heart, and then you fill it full of holes. Why so little contentment anyway? What’s that all about? You’d think just getting through the bad times, the hard times, would make us happy. But noooo. No satisfaction there. For Christ’s sake, there’s only so much to go around. Those who can– Take, those who can’t, get diddly squat. You did that—what a guy! Oh, by the way, I haven’t forgotten about love. Your generosity was overflowing there, or is it lust I’m thinking of? Excuse me! I know the real thing exists. I got a crash course in it. Remember? But why is the grass always greener on the other side of that hill? Of course it is. You should know! You created it that way.

‘Lucky in love, unlucky in life,’—bullshit–if lustful urges and roving eyes don’t sabotage love, then the lust for wealth, fame, and glory will. Where’s the fairness? Where’s the justice? Survival of the fittest you say. Believe me, if I was given just half a chance, I could have created a better world than this–Don’t give me that crap about freedom. Right over wrong, good over evil, that’s all bullshit too! Brains, brawn, and cleverness—determine good and evil. That’s the way it’s always been. Reinventing good and evil has always been the privilege of those who rule. Go ask the Indians! Blankets for land! Oh sure, smallpox infested blankets for the white man’s manifest destiny. The ‘good guys’ won—right! Don’t get me wrong; I can appreciate a good thing. We wouldn’t be having this conversation on a beautiful mountaintop if the Indians had got their way.

But wait, you know more about that than I do. The church, Your Church , burnt the ‘witches,’ and ‘heretics’—right! In the end, advantage always goes to the clever, the powerful, and the cruel. And what for—a better life? An Afterlife? There’s a trump card if ever was one. Things may be shit now, but wait; in heaven everybody gets their reward! Is that it! Is that your ‘Sola Scripture promise,’ your Christian message heard round the world! ‘Trust in the Lord,’ and rejoice in the glory of eternal life! Really! Trust the one who offers a never-ending feast of the weak to the strong. Yeah, that makes great sense! But no thanks! I don’t feel very trusting today. If its trust you want, trust in this: Keep your false promises, corrupt henchmen, and love, unconditional or not! I don’t need that shit anymore. To false hopes, great expectations, and love gone sour—I say goodbye, good riddance. Enough already! You can stay in your precious ‘Paha Satva Mountains,’ You and Carole Sue both. Not me. I’m out of here. That’s my pledge! With this drink of vodka I seal that oath—let it be done. It is done!”P1010238


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5 Responses to “Being God And All Why Did You Stack The Deck”

  1. bwinwnbwi Says:

    Thanks for the like. It’s always good to reread this post (its been a long time). When I had this experience it was liberating! Now, in my old age, I can see that without this kind of liberation, there is very little hope for humanity, and no hope at all if one is to
    find/discover/realize God, the God that lies within each and everyone of us! Thanks again.

  2. eof737 Says:

    Great food for thought here. I was also going to suggest that you add a link to your other blog here or change it on your gravatar. Your gravatar directs us here but doesn’t redirect us to your other blog. 🙂

  3. bwinwnbwi Says:

    I realize my two blogs are confusing. This one is what made it across (the great divide) back when Yahoo 360 was erased from the universe. I added to it after it became a WordPress blog. Back when my wife went back to Malaysia for a visit (just a little before postaday started up) I had time on my hands so I had the son of one of my friends create a new blog for me on WordPress–that blog became my bwinwnbwimusic blog–the blog on my gravatar. For the most part, my music blog became a rewrite of this blog, but I added the pictures and shortened the posts in order to make them more user friendly. In a few more months I will have reached the end of all the rewrites that I plan to post and (probably) will stop blogging all together. I guess that’s my long winded way of saying that it will be all over soon anyway and since I feel my music blog is more user friendly than this one, I prefer to send people to the music one as opposed to this one. Thanks again for all your support and comments. Take care.

  4. bwinwnbwi Says:

    Life is a topsy-turvy journey. We always hope for the best; sometimes we’re successful, sometimes we’re not! For some, a spiritual journey mirrors this craziness. In the above post I describe the signpost (for me a necessary signpost) pointing me down the path of my own spiritual journey.

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